(no subject)

[new_ophelia]

Kate lets out a shaky breath as she runs her fingers over the edge of the thin, hospital blanket. She had stared, blank-faced as the doctor had given her a long and complicated diagnosis. Most of it floated by as she caught words like pre-mature labor, birth defects, and the fact that it would have all been her fault. It would have been because she was selfish and irresponsible and still made that walked and exercised and did a million things that she hadn't yet wanted to give up.

Her hand moves down to her belly and curls around it, wincing as another sharp pain lances through and she feels tears threatening to make their way back down. She has been so stupid and it's ridiculous that she could even be trusted to care for this baby. For Sam.

She lets her eyes drift back over to the door that the doctor had forced Jack out of, telling him that he'd call him back as soon as the examination was over. As much as she want him with her, she's not sure she can face him and tell him what' s happening. How close they came to having everything ruined. Her eyes close as she takes another deep breath and waits for the door to open.

Comments

[jack-crew.livejournal.com]

Jack has to admit that he's a little nervous about everything and he's pacing back and forth, waiting to be able to see Kate again. No one really seems worried and so he tells himself there's no problem, there's nothing to worry about. All women get sick when they're pregnant, he bets. It can't be easy.

Finally, he's let back into the clinic and he heads over to Kate's bed, smiling at her. "Hey," he greets, reaching for her hand. "How're you feeling?"

[new-ophelia.livejournal.com]

Kate opens her eyes when she hears Jack's voice and opens her hand, giving him a tentative smile. "Okay," she says, moving over to make room for Jack to sit. "Did he, the doctor, did he tell you what's going on?"

[jack-crew.livejournal.com]

Jack shakes his head, not looking too concerned or worried. He is, but he's trying not to show it. "No. He just told me I could come back in and see you," he says, looking down at Kate curiously before he perches on the edge of the bed. "Everything's okay, right?"

[new-ophelia.livejournal.com]

She nods her head when her voice starts to choke up. Her fingers clutch Jack's hand as she tries to force out an answer. "We have to move up, right now. Like, as soon as I get out of here." She scrubs a hand across her eyes and tries to explain. "I'm getting hypertensive, which is like high blood pressure and it's putting pressure on my lungs and making Sam sick."

[jack-crew.livejournal.com]

"Okay," Jack answers, because they've planned to move up to the Compound all along and he doesn't see anything wrong with anything to do it a little earlier than planned. "I've read a bit about that, it's not that dangerous if it's not so bad, right? You just have to have more checkups, probably."

[new-ophelia.livejournal.com]

"But it could have been bad," Kate insists, dropping Jack's hand to clutch at the blanket. "And I should have done something sooner but I thought I was just feeling off and Sam's heartbeat was wrong and I did this."

[jack-crew.livejournal.com]

"But it wasn't," Jack says gently. "Everything is okay, Kate, everyone is fine and safe and alive and all we have to do now is move up here. You've never been pregnant before, it's not like you were gonna know what everything felt like."

[new-ophelia.livejournal.com]

"I didn't listen to you," she says, shaking her head. "We should have moved up already. I'm really sorry and I swear I'll do whatever they say, okay?"

Kate finishes and lays back on the bed, still short on breath.

[jack-crew.livejournal.com]

"Kate, it's okay. Just calm down. You're just gonna make yourself feel worse. Nothing bad happened, everyone is okay," Jack says seriously, squeezing her hand. "Don't worry about it now." There isn't anything they can do to change this now.

[new-ophelia.livejournal.com]

Kate just shakes her head again, knowing how much more careful she should have been. "He could have died if we hadn't come in. The doctor said that," she sighs, trying to find a comfortable position. "Will you lie down with me?"

[jack-crew.livejournal.com]

"We're okay," he promises, stretching out on the bed carefully beside Kate, running his fingers through her hair. "Stop worrying about it, okay? It doesn't matter now, we'll all be okay and we'll be fine."

[new-ophelia.livejournal.com]

"You weren't worried?"? Kate asks, not understanding why Jack isn't climbing the walls like her. Or yelling at her. Or something.

[jack-crew.livejournal.com]

"Of course I am," Jack answers. "I've been worried since the second we found out we're having the baby. But all we can do now is do things better, you know? Make things okay."

[new-ophelia.livejournal.com]

Kate blinks up at Jack and manages a small, watery grin. "You're being really mature about this whole thing," she says, leaning her head against his shoulder. "Since when did you get so grown up?"

[jack-crew.livejournal.com]

Jack laughs quietly and shrugs, smiling down at Kate. "Maybe it's easier for me to think of this stuff because I'm not the one feeling sick and carrying the baby," he decides.

[new-ophelia.livejournal.com]

"It hurts," she admits, dropping a kiss to Jack's shoulder before running her hand along her belly. "And I feel like shit. And I'm afraid that he does, too."

[jack-crew.livejournal.com]

"But now it's gonna be okay," Jack points out quietly. "Now we know and he'll feel fine and you'll feel better, right? I mean, that's what the doctors are here for."

[new-ophelia.livejournal.com]

Kate nods, knowing that he's right and the only reason to argue is to vent her own fears. "Do you think they'll let us keep Eli up here, or maybe Geoffrey and Duck can watch him?" she asks in a small voice, already feeling anxious about not being in her home.

[jack-crew.livejournal.com]

"I think we can keep him here, probably and if not, you know Geoffrey and Duck will help us out," Jack says gently, his fingers still stroking through Kate's hair. "We'll figure it out."

[new-ophelia.livejournal.com]

"He's settled down some," Kate says, after a long moment of silence. She's not sure how to really describe how anxious she is to be out of the house, but she suspects Jack's knows her well enough not to have to say it. She takes his hand and places it on her belly where Sam is methodically, but calmly punching her.

[jack-crew.livejournal.com]

"He's gonna be fine, Kate," Jack tells her, letting his hand rest against the gentle motion of her belly. It's still a strange sensation, but it's comforting all the same, to know their baby is in there, moving around.

[new-ophelia.livejournal.com]

"He's busy, all the time," she says fondly. "He just moves around and around in there...kind of impatient. Can't imagine where that comes from."

[jack-crew.livejournal.com]

Jack smiles at that, resting his head back against the pillow as he feels Sam moving around. "Not that much longer now," he says and it's not clear if he's talking to Kate or the baby.

[new-ophelia.livejournal.com]

Kate threads her fingers through Jack's as they lie together. "We need a crib you know. Maybe Duck could do something with your help? That might be kind of neat. Building Sam's crib."

[jack-crew.livejournal.com]

"Yeah," Jack agrees, because he's sort of figured Duck would help build stuff for the baby. "I bet he'll really want to help."

[new-ophelia.livejournal.com]

"I'll make some of those baby-slings that you can carry them around in," she muses. "I'm guessing I'll probably have some time on my hands coming up. Hey, and a baby blanket. Did you have a baby blanket?"

[jack-crew.livejournal.com]

"I don't remember," Jack says honestly after he thinks about it. "I might've. I had a stuffed dog I took everywhere with me, but I don't remember a blanket. Did you have one?"

[new-ophelia.livejournal.com]

"Mmm, yeah," she says, grinning as she imagines a little Jack with his stuffed dog. "A green one. I carried it around until it disintegrated."

[jack-crew.livejournal.com]

"So we do that? I don't know how to make a blanket," he admits, frowning a little bit. "I guess if we asked Anne she might be able to do something like that, right?"